can't think..of a title.. haha

I'm sitting here in front of my laptop.. I've got exams in like i don't know 11 days? Finals.. the most important exams of my life. The exams that will push me over the border of semi-adulthood into adulthood where I'll have to have a job and make my own damn money. How scary is that thought? That your safety nets are slowly going to be pulled out from under you.

I've also been in the library for the last omg.. like 3 weeks plus? spending like 8 hours in school studying almost everyday.

Will I be able to pass with this? I feel like I should be able to but when I look at the past year papers that I have.. omg.. terrified.. could not answer them without an open book test. I think I need to take it one at a time cause I have my CDH presentation on Friday. At least if i complete that.. then that's one thing down. and there are 8 more surprises that need to be completed. Do I feel competent? I think I'm semi-competent but yea I'm still worried. I'm going to be held accountable for everything I do from post-exam onwards. AHHHH!

I've also found that, I get irritated so easily right now.. I mean these people that I'm surrounded with are so clever.. so good at retaining information. I don't think I'll ever encourage my kids to do dentistry or medicine unless they were thoroughly interested in it. I always half think it was a mistake to do dentistry but then again I can't imagine myself doing anything else but baking/cooking. Unfortunately, I can't see doing the latter as anything but a hobby.

It's also sad that i feel so darn alone, so out of the loop.

Anyway, maybe its a sign of maturity that I'm headed to the library to do some studying. I mean I don't know what to study anymore though.... which is probably why I'm reading the past year papers.. I've never been good at assimilating information and using that to apply to questions. I need examples first to follow.

I can't wait till this friday is over. Then, that's one thing done. I'm also repeating myself.

My heart feels so heavy, my body feels heavy, I feel unhealthy. Especially with my crap eating habits.

I know I should be optimistic then my luck will change.

The other thing is that... I can't believe that he didn't wait for me. like he always just leave... I WAITED that's why I was late.. how was I to know he wasn't there?

Maybe I just want people to be more considerate of me sometimes. Yea.. I'm just going to stop caring.. AGH.. I don't know.. I just don't know what I want to say anymore.. I think I'm just typing this out because I feel like this nervous energy needs to go somewhere..

Anyway, tomorrow will be another new day.. chances for positivity..

xoxo

ugly

I feel so ugly.. not just on the outside but on the inside as well.. I think i'm just in a self hating mood at the moment..

*sigh*

xoxo

strawbie cake, kitchen aid and doenjjang chigae

Finally got to use my kitchen aid today! Was eyeing and dying to use it! hee hee

Doesn't it look oh-so-awesome? Its beaaaautiful! Shiny, red, minimal noise and POWERFUL!

Well, today I managed to drag my arse to do some work for about 2 hours with Z. I'm totally slacking.. I really need a kick in the bum to do some work cause the house is just so cozy and comfy that I totally don't feel like doing any work. But anyway, as usual, it takes my lazy arse a week to settle in before I actually start doing some work. Glad to say I did =)

Anyway, made doenjjang chigae for dinner today along with left over roast duck and rice. Deee-lish. I'm totally making doenjjang chigae again, seems like a healthy alternative but it does make me eat lots of rice.
Don't have a picture of it because its ugly. I might make it again and upload a yummier looking picture.

The second attempt at the so called Japanese Christmas cake... otherwise known as the fresh cream and strawbie cake, looks much prettier than the first. Still needs soooo much tweaking tho.. Damn oven. I think I'll double the recipe next time and cook it in smaller pans. Maybe then, it won't dry out, actually cook through and stay the same darn shape!

All is not lost though, WITH the power of frosting and decorating.

Doesn't it look pretty? My Decorating skills could use somemore practice though cause under high light it looks more like this..

Can definitely see more imperfections. I did manage to even out the levels though even though my cake was actually lopsided due to the stupid cake tin. Thankfully, I've bought a new cake tin to take home with me.

I'm probably going to need a better work space and a better outfit or else, I'll get caught out again while making the cake looking like this... =O

A.K.A Miss Towel-head

xoxo

pre-v-day

Is it bad of me to say.. I dislike v-day?

its such an elitist holiday for couples. What about all the singles? Why is there not a single's day? Why must the greater proportion of the population feel ill at ease for one holiday/occasion?

I'm guessing I'll feel differently if/when I'm attached.

On a brighter note,

I made... marbled red velvet cheesecake brownies.. in the shape of hearts.. just for the occasion.

Note: use red gel colouring next time for a more vibrant colour. and get a FLAT bottomed pan. Also, increase cheesecake layer and thin out the brownie layer a bit.

And from the scraps, made heart-shaped cake truffles. - made with nutella and dark chocolate.

How does it taste? hmm.. don't know yet.. will update with pictures and a verdict.. tomorrow?

xoxo

Update:

The truffles.. 2 hearts

The marbled red velvet cheesecake brownies.. deeeelish! Creamy, chocolatey, slight hint of cheese, sticky... so yea what's not to like? Pretty heart shapes? SOLD!

So.. will you be my valentine?

food blogging

I've been reading food blogs lately.. well haha.. more than my usual amount. And it got me thinking.. should I start a food blog? but I don't know whether I'll be dedicated enough to it ?? Lol I could start out simple with just pearl milk tea or something!

I'll think about that.

Why? you ask am I thinking about doing this? Hmm.. I ask myself the same reason and the answer just seems to be that I enjoy it. I already post up all my food up on facebook.

I also spent pretty much the whole day in the kitchen. I enjoy it thoroughly. I'm happy when I'm in the kitchen of my own accord.

I enjoy my dinners with WS and the enjoyment we BOTH get when we dig into a delicious meal.

As it is, I made some adorable yet slightly failed valentine treats. Why do I do this? I don't know. I think it just to see if I can. People think I'm a great cook, but I do honestly feel that they overcompliment, purely due to the fact that most of my recipes are not of my own. I just follow people's recipes, they work and I'm happy!

Well, just to leave y'all with a happy advanced valentine's day! =)

I'm starting the week's rotation with sedation =O.

Is it bad that I'm hoping that people just don't turn up?

xoxo

terrified..

4 days..

tomorrow.. doom with dentures and Prof. T.

tuesday.. full day with written cdh mock

wednesday.. full day with competencies in the morning..

thursday.. day of doom with OS viva..

This is shaping up to be a bad week for me. I cannot wait till friday.

cakes

Saw a new cake shop in town today while taking the long route. I totally was zoning out while walking cause I ended up taking a longer route each time I needed to choose a route. *sigh* so silly. I did take the busy home though so, I guess the lazy me got fed up of my inability to focus. SO unlike my normal days where I just wanted to take the quickest route. I guess subconsciously, I didn't want to come home cause that meant i needed to study again.

I say cake shop but.. it appeared to be more of a cupcake and whoopie pie shop. I should stop in there one day before i leave. There's going to be so many things I want to do before I leave.

Listening to Kenny G at the moment seems to be the only thing that doesn't grate on my nerves at the moment. But it does make me sleepy.

Got to go to the Apple store tomorrow to get my mac fixed. 1.20 pm. I think I'll bring a book to study while perhaps waiting at the store or at starbucks.

I will defo miss newcastle when I leave for good.. however, a part of me wants to just leave all the studying and reality behind and be a good for nothing bum... so I'm looking forward to going back to Brunei and finally doing the travelling I wanted. I have to admit.. my uni life wasn't a typical student's uni life. It was influenced by the choice of course I was in. I wasn't and am not free to enjoy the uni bum life as other students are, but I reckon it probably prepared us more for the next phase in our lives. That's the situation I keep finding myself in. Choosing a not so easy path for the betterment of moving onto the next phase of my life.. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't do that cause then when will it end.

Oh my this post is getting a little morose. I end it here cause I'd rather not be depressed after writing this just when I got myself out of my funk.

Till next time

xoxo