sometimes

Sometimes... I just want someone there to watch out for me. To pick me up when I'm down without me asking. I'm jealous of the people who have that kind of person.

*sigh* my girlfriends are too busy, I'm too reclusive. I can't seem to make myself make the effort anymore. Its just too tiring. That's a word that's in my vocab everyday. "Tired"

Boyfriend? hah.. don't even think about it. It's not the right time or place. And I don't think i can handle an emotional rollercoaster. I don't think i'm emotionally mature enough for it.

I have the feeling that people don't have a bf/gf because they aren't actually ready for one. If you think about it primitively, I reckon when you are ready for one, you send out vibes/pheromones? that will attract guys/girls to you.

So yea, I'm just not ready. But i do want just friends to pick me up when i'm down, to play with me, to support me and for me to do the same to them. I think that's why i'm so interested in kids sometimes. It's like someone who will care for you unconditionally and you have responsibility for. It's that emotional relationship. I envy that. gah.. I'm sick of the phrase that i keep hearing all the time.. you'll be a great mother. That doesn't even matter or apply. There is no mother without a father. And I can't see myself feasibly having a significant other in the next 10 years if ever.

I need a life.. or something to be "passionate" about to get me out of this rut. I'm tired of alot of things. Sometimes I just don't want to be "me". sometimes.. just sometimes...