terrified..

4 days..

tomorrow.. doom with dentures and Prof. T.

tuesday.. full day with written cdh mock

wednesday.. full day with competencies in the morning..

thursday.. day of doom with OS viva..

This is shaping up to be a bad week for me. I cannot wait till friday.

cakes

Saw a new cake shop in town today while taking the long route. I totally was zoning out while walking cause I ended up taking a longer route each time I needed to choose a route. *sigh* so silly. I did take the busy home though so, I guess the lazy me got fed up of my inability to focus. SO unlike my normal days where I just wanted to take the quickest route. I guess subconsciously, I didn't want to come home cause that meant i needed to study again.

I say cake shop but.. it appeared to be more of a cupcake and whoopie pie shop. I should stop in there one day before i leave. There's going to be so many things I want to do before I leave.

Listening to Kenny G at the moment seems to be the only thing that doesn't grate on my nerves at the moment. But it does make me sleepy.

Got to go to the Apple store tomorrow to get my mac fixed. 1.20 pm. I think I'll bring a book to study while perhaps waiting at the store or at starbucks.

I will defo miss newcastle when I leave for good.. however, a part of me wants to just leave all the studying and reality behind and be a good for nothing bum... so I'm looking forward to going back to Brunei and finally doing the travelling I wanted. I have to admit.. my uni life wasn't a typical student's uni life. It was influenced by the choice of course I was in. I wasn't and am not free to enjoy the uni bum life as other students are, but I reckon it probably prepared us more for the next phase in our lives. That's the situation I keep finding myself in. Choosing a not so easy path for the betterment of moving onto the next phase of my life.. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't do that cause then when will it end.

Oh my this post is getting a little morose. I end it here cause I'd rather not be depressed after writing this just when I got myself out of my funk.

Till next time

xoxo

breakdowns... the first of many

I had a bit of a rough week.

I was beyond stressed.. and in retrospect.. i should be stressed but not to the point of a breakdown.

I've had two. Its probably because I had family near by.. and if people ask me about what is causing my distress.. that's the trigger point. I reckon if I wasn't asked.. i'd be okay eventually.

What worries me is that I've broken down so early on.. the road is a couple of months long and it predicts even more breakdowns.

I pray for strength and calm.

I've got the second mock. My first ever viva on Tuesday. I'm terrified... I just hope the fear won't stop me from performing adequately.

Wish me luck!

I also feel sorry for the rest of my patients who've had to go through difficulty recently. I pray for their peace as well.

 Just a little something to brighten everyone's day.

xoxo

and so.. it begins..

i cry.. and i cry and i cry..

teeth hurt, jaw hurts..

acid builds up

never restful, never at peace

fear cripples

and then the cycle moves on

escalates..

and i cry and cry and cry..

let down

I feel quite disappointed in my friends really. But its not entirely their fault. I should have been more pro-active... no one else takes the initiative to plan a trip.. WHY do I have to be the one? I don't mind doing it jointly but I dislike having to do the whole planning on my own because I have other things to do as well okay.

But crossing fingers I'll still be able to go.. =) I'm going with a not-so-close friend. Sometimes I think that this is better cause you won't be so invested if anything goes wrong between the two of you and on the plus side, you'll get to know someone else better!

NEW YORK AND FLORIDA BABY!!

anyway.... watched devil wears prada with W tonight. Was nice to kick back and relax.

I'm also stressed out by the whole finals thing.. these next 6 months are going to test my nerves.. so badly.. i just can't wait for them to be over..

god... please help me.. give me strength and calm to see these next 6 months of turbulence through.

Other than that.. nothing very interesting.

W made yummy, refreshing watercress and pork soup. I'm terribly proud of her, she's getting better at cooking and lol I hope we'll be in friends in future as well so that i can see her growth.

Well, goodnight! Its another week.. let's take it a step at a time.

xoxo

Oh crappy dull gloomy dayy...

The wind is roaring outside my window, rattling my window and roof shingles. Probably wailing its dissatisfaction with the whole weather. 

I really really wanted to study today but didn't have the energy or the willpower to do so. 

I ended up reading manga and chatting with the cousin T. She's always like this. When she's bored and found me, she won't let me go in spite of ME telling her I need sustenance. Lol! but if i'm bored and want company, she's busy and brushes me off! tsk! There needs to be a bit more balance in our relationship.

There was also something i'm incredibly disgusted at. Some people's attitudes and I'm ashamed to call them one of my family. There's a serious lack of consideration and an incredible amount of self-absorption that's incredulous. Treating my baby sister like that is a nono. It's also quite simply gross in general. I don't know how you live with yourself. 

Anyway, other than that, chatted with the baby sister today and was also annoyed that she herself didn't know how to just buy a stupid ticket back home rather than subject herself to the stupidity. Its so frustrating. 

Hmm... what else? chatted with C today =). apparently she's bought a pretty lace dress. I wanna see it!

OH YEA! my DP purchases came in the post today. Happily, the two pairs of jeans I bought fit and are comfy. me likey! I bought two floral dresses too! =O GIRLY ALERT! The most girly things I own at present. Usually, my style is fairly classic, with a bit of slight sexy? edge. Well, must take advantage of assets right? Never owned such girly items. Hope I can pull them off. 

>.<

xoxo

Birthdays, Christmas and year ends

Its almost the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012. A year that's special to me as the marks the 2nd dozen of years i've been on this earth. The dragon year =) as well as being the year that I.. oh yes.. I, little unspecial Jamie may finally graduate and join the rest of my peers as an adult. I'm trying to prepare myself for the fact that IF i do fail.. all it means is that i get one more year as a non--adult and will defo pass the following year.

What have I been up to?

Made my friend/housemate's 21st birthday absolutely special and hopefully memorable enough that she won't forget us who took part in making it a milestone to remember. Thank you to Cl for being a great partner in crime, in spite of the volume that you speak at and the constant-ness of it. It was really excellent company and I couldn't have pulled it off without you and your very special-ness. We've made W happy and that's all that matters. I have to give myself a pat in the back because we were both pretty consummate actresses, W didn't suspect a thing but I swear the adrenaline and the antsy-ness made me crazy.

No pictures for the moment cause it was all taken on my phone and I can't be bothered to upload it except to fb.

What I can say is that, it involved a surprise treat at The Langham Hotel, London for afternoon tea where service was impeccable and food.. absolutely divine. Thanks to the staff at the hotel for being a testament to their experience and training for not looking down on us for being a little uncouth. It was the excitement and the surprise.. I SWEAR it! We're much more well behaved normally.
The day also consisted of a bit of a delicate touch to pay for her posh-ish dinner meal and to deliver her present with hints from her man with finesse. It was a day of luxury and as much as it did burn a hole in my wallet, it was worth it, to see the delight in her face. I enjoyed it as well and hence, I would applaud the day as a resounding success.

Other than that, Xmas was spent with friends the whole day. Party at JJ's house and finishing off the day with a roast lamb dinner at my house.

Thank you to my uncle, a bit random but without his tutelage, I would probably have not had such a love for food and Christmas as well as the experience to do such things. I say this because in spite of not having to roast such a large leg of lamb for a good 5-6 years, I managed to do it again with the traditional marinade we do at my house. Along with some new recipes for wholegrain mustard roast potatoes and balsamic roasted vegetables. Yummy. Also, for dessert, seeing as we are chinese people, we had tang yuen because we missed having tang yuen festival, a couple of days before.

Now, as the year ends and a fearful 6 months lay ahead of me. I'm terrified and brimming with anticipation for what the new year holds. Whatever it holds, 2011 was a pretty allright year and I hope that 2012, myself and everyone I hold dear will be healthy and relatively happy (I'm not impractical).

On one last wonderful note, baby R has been born to this world on the 21st of Dec 2011. Absolutely excited about it and elated for the happy new parents. Can't wait to see him 6-8 months down the line =D