hitori... iieyo..

I'm a little emo with this post.

I'm also contemplating whether I should just let the matter be or go ahead and confront it one on one... I'm wondering whether the pro-active approach will make things worse.. It's deja vu..

I feel like I'm repeating the process of what happened 8 years ago or so.. You give your time and support as much as you can.. but upon the first opportunity presented you're dropped. It was like you served as a filler replacement only when people are lonely.

Part of me thinks I should just ignore the whole thing but the other part of me wants to see revenge.. like wtf am I being treated this way? Why is it people keep taking me for granted? And the spiteful part of me wants to just wait and see when their happy happy joy joy mood is over and when they come looking for your company or support again.. Turn away.. Hell.. i'm human. Obviously, go ahead and think I'm evil and etc etc.. but shit man.. It's ridiculous. I'm bitter over this kind of treatment. Apparently, it's sien talking to me.. ooh this is only when you have that person now. Part of me curses you to hope it all comes crashing down on you. Retribution.. But then again I don't want it.. you'll come crying to me again.. And I'm f*ckin weak for some reason. Even with all these nasty thoughts.. I will support you if you need me to.. and at the expense of my time, good humour and sanity.

At these points in time.. I wish I were cold blooded and completely devoid of emotion.