can't think..of a title.. haha

I'm sitting here in front of my laptop.. I've got exams in like i don't know 11 days? Finals.. the most important exams of my life. The exams that will push me over the border of semi-adulthood into adulthood where I'll have to have a job and make my own damn money. How scary is that thought? That your safety nets are slowly going to be pulled out from under you.

I've also been in the library for the last omg.. like 3 weeks plus? spending like 8 hours in school studying almost everyday.

Will I be able to pass with this? I feel like I should be able to but when I look at the past year papers that I have.. omg.. terrified.. could not answer them without an open book test. I think I need to take it one at a time cause I have my CDH presentation on Friday. At least if i complete that.. then that's one thing down. and there are 8 more surprises that need to be completed. Do I feel competent? I think I'm semi-competent but yea I'm still worried. I'm going to be held accountable for everything I do from post-exam onwards. AHHHH!

I've also found that, I get irritated so easily right now.. I mean these people that I'm surrounded with are so clever.. so good at retaining information. I don't think I'll ever encourage my kids to do dentistry or medicine unless they were thoroughly interested in it. I always half think it was a mistake to do dentistry but then again I can't imagine myself doing anything else but baking/cooking. Unfortunately, I can't see doing the latter as anything but a hobby.

It's also sad that i feel so darn alone, so out of the loop.

Anyway, maybe its a sign of maturity that I'm headed to the library to do some studying. I mean I don't know what to study anymore though.... which is probably why I'm reading the past year papers.. I've never been good at assimilating information and using that to apply to questions. I need examples first to follow.

I can't wait till this friday is over. Then, that's one thing done. I'm also repeating myself.

My heart feels so heavy, my body feels heavy, I feel unhealthy. Especially with my crap eating habits.

I know I should be optimistic then my luck will change.

The other thing is that... I can't believe that he didn't wait for me. like he always just leave... I WAITED that's why I was late.. how was I to know he wasn't there?

Maybe I just want people to be more considerate of me sometimes. Yea.. I'm just going to stop caring.. AGH.. I don't know.. I just don't know what I want to say anymore.. I think I'm just typing this out because I feel like this nervous energy needs to go somewhere..

Anyway, tomorrow will be another new day.. chances for positivity..

xoxo